10 THINGS NOT TO DO WHILE TEACHING

Here are a few things I’ve learned over the years:

1. Don’t make fun of strange students – a colleague had an experience where a young guy came into his lesson late wearing a crash helmet. He sat at the back and banged his head against the wall repeatedly. Others in the class whispered  that he should ignore him. He followed their advice.
2. Go easy on dry, understated, ‘English’ humour – students have a nasty habit of taking you seriously when you mean to be ironic. I once told a class that they would have to come to extra classes during the Christmas break and I still remember the look of panic on some of the faces.
3. Just because an activity works for one group, don’t make the mistake of assuming it will work for every group.
4. Don’t assume macho guys have a sensitive side.
5. Don’t assume dumb-looking blondes have a serious side.
6. Don’t wear a heavy shirt in summer – profuse sweating can be seriously embarrassing.
7. Don’t persevere with an activity when it is clearly not working
8. Don’t show you’re flexible and kind-hearted in the first lesson – better to start strict and then lighten up if/when it feels safe to do so.
9. Don’t treat students like empty vessels to be filled. If you respect them , they’ll respect you. (At least that’s the theory!)
10. Don’t start a class without a standby activity – a contingency  plan will save your bacon one day

WHY IS SEMI-NAKED KESHA WRITHING ON A DIRTY MATTRESS?

Today is my birthday and , having taken a very big breath and blown out all my candles, my wish is for a surge in blog views.

Since the beginning of 2013 the number of views to this blog has halved.

Rather than being a sign that the quality of posts has declined (perish the thought!), this seems to be the result of Google’s revamped image search engine.

MAGIC SPOON FOR WEIGHT WATCHERS

In common with too many teenagers, my daughter is obsessed with a mortal fear of putting on weight. This defies all logic as she is as skinny as a rake but a reflection of the beanpole supermodels that are still erroneously held up as icons of female perfection. This explains why she has put the spoon shown in this photo on her wish list:

FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM OF THE MIND

FIGHT CLUB directed by David Fincher (USA, 1999)

This is the story of an insomniac office worker and a maniacal soap maker. It’s a movie you have to watch more than once but no matter how many times you see it you’ll almost certainly end up confused.

With its overt rejection of religion (“We are God’s unwanted children”) and a moral vision that can only be described as nihilistic, it’s easy to see how this has earned a cult status and won a place in the list of top ‘mindfuck’ movies.

David Fincher directs as if it were a two-hour rock video and it belongs to the genre as the disturbingly (and deliciously) deranged puzzle movies by mavericks like Cronenberg, Aronofsky and Lynch.

In one sense it could be seen as a satire of feminised masculinity, ridiculing reconstructed males who try to be all touchy-feely to get in touch with their sensitive side. The single object of the men’s group the unnamed narrator (Edward Norton) attends seems to be to get the members to cry a river to release their  inner pain. This briefly cures his insomnia but makes him unhealthily addicted to support groups, getting ‘support’ for problems he doesn’t even have just to get a fake sense of belonging.

ITALIAN ELECTION – THE CRIMINAL, THE COMEDIAN AND THE PROFESSOR

I live in Italy but am not an Italian citizen. Though I was unable to vote in the general election, I do obviously have a vested interest in the result.

I am writing this post before all the votes have been counted but already a number of things are clear.

The number of people who still view Berlusconi as a legitimate leader remains frighteningly high. To my mind, this indicates a level of ignorance that difficult to understand. With large parts of his support coming from the South, it shows that the Mafiosi are also still on his side.